Smart, lazy and lucky

I styled my short hair and wore my Nike sneakers to get ready for school.
School was like a jungle, the stronger is the survivor. Do I have my weapons? Yes, the scissor is in my pencil case and my iron bottle is in my bag. Great! I’m fully ready to go to war. No perfume on but the pheromones of a predator and a rush of adrenaline.

I sat my foot inside the gates of hell smelling like trouble and smelled trouble. I was welcomed by the teachers with the daily inspection. My lame ID card was on my neck too … That ugly picture, I wore glasses, buttons closed and a geeky smile. It was supposed to be a joke but it became a real joke. “You have your ID card?” “Are you blind?” “Show me your nails cat.” So I almost shoved my hands into her stupid face for her to see closely this time and walked away.

I walked into the box that is called a class. I was a science student but I didn’t fit in that category for I was a magnet for all the bad things and incidents. The students in the class with me all were nice but I wasn’t. I loved English but I hated the teachers I schooled them instead and we both hated it. I gave the class daily lectures about personal hygiene, It’s a lost cause but I never lost hope.

One day they decided to lock the classes in the morning until the first period starts and leave us out there under the burning sun. I couldn’t let that happen, so I climbed that box, opened the window and got in injuring my legs with scars from that sharp inner frame or still or whatever it’s called then I helped the rest of them by putting out a chair. The suspension of getting caught was nice until all of the other students copied our fine work.

Every juicy thing I do was the final straw. It seemed like I had some mafia immunity on or something. It was strange that I never got expelled really. Even that time when I cooperated with the working lady to sneak me in a fast meal in exchange for another meal for her or that time when I skipped the sleeping guardian and went out to the cold-store to get food because the cafeteria sucked and ended up getting caught along with a stolen test and a lighter.

Lucky me I stole the wrong test. I’m not saying it sarcastically, it helped me out when I got caught and she actually laughed at how stupid I was. I definitely have put lots of effort into not getting caught though. I walked into the teachers room, opened the drawer, stole it from under their noses and hid it in my secret pocket without anyone noticing. I had skilled fingers and an undiscovered talent. The lighter was a prank, it gives you an electric shock when you try to light it. I told her to try to light it when she asked me about the cigarettes, surprisingly it made things worse.

When math comes up we take out our Ouija board. By we I mean the girls around me whom I have corrupted by my bad influence as the teachers would say. We made that Ouija board ourselves. Most of the time I was secretly moving the coin to have fun and they believed everything the ghost said. As I said I’m really good in English and I’m even better in making up stories.

We would skip classes but one has to stay to sit in the back and say “Yes” in different tones when our names get called for taking attendance. Then we would collect insects, cats and such creatures to release them in class and pretend to be scared and refuse to go inside to waste as much time as possible. We hated the cafeteria but we always skip the period before recess to avoid the barbarians and savages. I lied to the cafeteria lady saying that my origins were from her country and used some vocabulary I knew that helped me to get in front of the line if I had to.

Recess was tough, everyone had suppressed energy and everyone was aggressive. School was a cage and well there were two recesses as if one wasn’t enough. The first one was half an hour long and the second was fifteen minutes and there were no shades as if they needed more reasons to boil. We would get ready for war before coming out, to be criticised, to be pushed, to be blamed, to be called with names and to be terrorised.

I had lots of enemies and I usually walk in a circle around the main ground, I almost was drawing a defining line of my property. Everyone knew where to find me and knew that I stood there carelessly with eyes that carried no judgment on the weak but resentment to those wannabes and a mouth with a curve that is challenging. I was there but I wanted to be anywhere else, anywhere out.

My enemies were all bullies. I hate to be bothered and wish to be left in peace, I am calm but not when I’m pushed too far. I don’t know any karate or some martial arts but I don’t mind applying the moves that I see on my play station game WWE in real life.

Watching the freak show sitting and biting on my apple, two bullies came sneaking to bully my friends. We all went quiet because it was the routine until that word came out of her mouth. When I saw her lips move saying that word I lost it. I pushed her all the way to a door and smacked her on that solid wall. Her friend came in fear trying to pull her away.

I was surprised by a fist that hit my teeth and it hurt with my braces put on from the back. The little rat ran away but I’ll catch her. My loyal friends gathered to be a part of this Great War for they are true warriors. We gathered to wait until she came with her own sort.

Let the games begin? No, she had to get out of it with the least damage to her reputation. She was a running mouth like a barking dog. She sent two of them to pretend that they’re coming for us but then with a signal of her hand she said – “Don’t waste your time on these pathetic people, they’re not worth it.”

Will I let it end? It’s not her choice to make and I was hungry and thirsty for a fight. I went up to her and told her to talk to my bored shoe because it was the only thing she was fit to do and that she should buy a mirror to see how an ugly monkey she is. It was childish but I never said that I was not and neither were my friends who laughed at her. I followed my short speech with a spit that was aimed at them all.

They followed us, called us and we stood tall. There was this one girl who was huge, tall and fat. She was scary and I had that funny fear where I thought that she could simply sit on me and I would stop breathing. I acted tough at that point and I took my iron bottle to get it ready but the stupid monkey hit it and it swung to hit my friend’s nose.

My friend jumped on her like a cheetah jumping on a zebra and started eating her with punches and scratches. The fat one, I started to swing my bottle on her skin leaving purple bruises on but then she fell on two of my friends and were gasping for air beneath that big mass. I became busy trying to pull her up to save them.

When she got up she started bear hugging my friends, lifting them off the ground and shaking them. Damn it from where did this monster suddenly came?! Everyone in the school got into this fight to beat the bullies up too. We didn’t know any of the students who jumped in with us. I didn’t have to do anything for some time, I saw the peaceful scene of the bullies getting crushed under feet with missing hair on their heads and dirt on their faces.

I was there with my weapon defending my friends from that dragon and I was sorry that I own short nails to those stupid rules but my friends got away with long nails somehow. It was a revolution against the bullies and it should’ve been documented to see them red crying in pain and begging for mercy.

It was karma, that day was a beautiful day. I almost danced on the sounds of their fingers getting bent back, it was dreamy … I had moments where I was completely blank and blind and some intense moments of getting back to reality to break backs with my iron bottle. Most of my enemies were on a trip that day and well I’m lucky, actually blessed.

The fight went on and on despite the screams of horror the teachers were making and it only broke with the sound of broken glass on the ground aiming for my head as I moved away in the last second. Everyone ran away and scattered along with the glass. I was happy to see them cry like little babies in humiliation.

They complained us of course, only my name was known but I took two of my friends with me. I walked in using reverse psychology which is something they didn’t teach us at school of course for they only teach rubbish. “Bad people judge after hearing one side of the story, never mind my story. I’m going to complain this school to the ministry of education. I’m a science student! I come to learn not to fight! I’m an A student as well and I have my name in two of the lists of honoured students. You know what … Call my dad right now! I want him to know how bad this school is and the loss of control you have in it!”

“There’s no need to call your dad, don’t be upset! It will get solved, we’ve got this.” With smelling fear and threat in their eyes after their judgmental auras I feel victory in their shaking tones and I got away with it. She demanded names and we did not surrender then she called them in to confront us but we both denied everything and it was a dead end.

The next day the bullies were absent mostly are injured. This second day was the result of hard work not mentioning that I complained back to the toughest person of authority in school to have them all warned. I even went to her class to terrorise her colleagues who were talking about the fight, it was funny how they were afraid of me and were silent. I took her full name planning on something but when I was about to do it I found out that she was an orphan and I let it go.

The third day was victorious too for we saw how broken and weak they looked and the students were all bullying them and laughing in their faces, the air is finally fresh and the justice took coarse. Now all I will think of is my graduation day and which part of the book to study for my finals and good techniques to distract the teachers to swap papers.

I can’t say that I had fun in school but I made the most of it. Stupid rules are meant to be broken and so are bullies. Memories are funny when they carry sadness and anger. I’m foolish but I know how to have fun and I have loyal friends, they’re so loyal they don’t know I still exist but nothing matters except for the times that were spent right. I regret nothing for I made an adventure out of those pale school days. People are still talking about that fight and people we never saw pretended to be a part of it because it was that awesome.

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